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Confession: I have been kinda-sorta-maybe-a-lot overwhelmed recently. My team has literally doubled this year, which is AWESOME and I am SO PUMPED about it... but figuring out the practice logistics for a 200+ swimmer team has been a little chaotic (an aquatic center would solve pretty much all of these issues *cough-city-of-Minot-cough*). I am a people pleaser and a little bit of a control freak when it comes to my work, so this hectic-ness -- even though I was prepared for it -- wears on me.
Perhaps more than that, though, is the self-doubt that has been my lifetime shadow. In my heart, I KNOW I'm living out my purpose. I KNOW I'm a good coach. I KNOW I know what I'm talking about. Most importantly, I KNOW I care about these kids as people, not just athletes, and my number one priority is their well-being... but imposter syndrome still kicks in. Am I ~really~ qualified for this job? Am I the best person for this job? Am I being a good role model for the kids? Am I leading this team the way they deserve to be led? Could I be doing more? How can I balance being the best coach I can be while still being the best wife, daughter, sister, friend, etc I can be? And so on and so forth. So, when one of my swimmers gave me this note, it made my eyes leak a little bit. He said one of his teachers assigned a project where they had to write a letter to someone who changed their lives. He chose me. This is definitely a season of growth, both for my team and for me personally. It kind of reminds me of my 7th grade summer, when I grew 6 inches in two months. Was it uncomfortable? Oh yeah. But I read somewhere growth and comfort cannot coexist -- it's ok to feel like things are over your head every now and then, because that's how you find out how tall you are. I wrote a blog post last year about the tattoo I have on my arm, "you may contribute a verse." This is my verse. It simultaneously boosts and humbles me. It has opened my heart. It challenges me, has helped me grow as a leader (and public speaker LOL) and at the end of the day, brings me satisfaction and contentment. In the words of Marie Kondo, it sparks so much joy. I have doubts, but thank God, I also have faith. And my faith tells me that yes, things might be a bit messy in the short-term, but this is what I'm meant to be doing. Is it going to be perfect all the time? No. But I'm trying to remember I'm doing my best -- we all are -- and our best is enough.
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About the AuthorConfessions of a failed southern lady. I've got messy hair and a thirsty heart. Writer, photographer, career wanderer. Archives
May 2023
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